Maiden...Mother...Crone

The rebirth began one year ago. What an amazing year it has been. My eyes are still sore and foggy since first being opened. It’s odd…that feeling of déjà vu, knowing I have been here before, knowing some things innately somehow. It’s all so new, this skin. I feel like a Shar-pei. It’s gonna take a while to grow into it. I feel wobbly and irritated I can’t control everything. I, like most children, desperately want to run before I can crawl. I try to be patient with myself, my new body & mind, and especially the world around me, but since I cannot shake the experience of my former self I believe all, especially me, should be farther along than this. The fact that others see me as that youth is quite laughable for me. I feel the wisdom of my former self creeping into my gaze and yet I feel the naivety of this newness consume my everything else.

In my last “life” I felt quite certain I was an old soul. I had a certain built in sixth sense, third eye, intuition…call it what you like. When I first read about the stages of goddess in my spiritual books I thought, I am most definitely crone. I felt not that I had arrived, but that I had nothing fresh to bring. I felt defeated and that I had already bloomed. My time had come and gone. Waiting to die. I thought, ‘give myself back to the earth to enable another great spirit to cycle into my place’. I guess that’s why I felt I should play these mature roles. I felt naturally I should play mothers, grown women who had experienced life and the world and were over flowing with wisdom. I felt that I was blessed with a large, lower speaking voice and therefore, born matronly. I wished to heal, help, and educate everyone around me. My last great gift to the world.

So when first out the gate in this “new” body, skin, life…the shade of my former self says, “I am a mother, I am no longer a maiden and I am ready invoke Norma Desmond”. It’s ok, laugh. It’s quite entertaining what became my truth. But then to hear others place me younger….to hear others guess my age…to get into my bones and feel how jovial and vibrant all that is within me…I AM MAIDEN.

But when one reads further one learns that the triple goddess can also be represented by 3 sisters. All at different stages of growth, power, & wisdom. Each has gifts and each depends on the other to create the whole of the female spirit. Goddess. This completely explains the tugging and pulling of emotion and understanding. I am a spirit renewed and thus get to enjoy the vulnerability and naivety of youth. I still feel some bits of whole life experiences, but with questioning, second guessing, hesitation. I can be the nurturer, the caregiver, the bridge, but with unbridled excitement of what’s coming next. Only this time, it can be pure and I can be naked in front of everyone. Judge me if you dare. I don’t care. I know what’s coming next.

The stages of me. Me…on stage.