Goin through...the change.

I realize that I have no idea what I'm in for, but already the effects of age can be depressing. I started going gray at 18, I have to take glucosamine condroitin for my joints or I'm stiff and in pain after working out or dancing, I can't eat an Italian meal without having to take a Zantac after, wrinkles actually remain on my face after I stop grimacing from the pain of my joints. Sheesh. Really sucks. The cellulite, the stretch marks, the spider veins, the bunions. It amazing the quest we are on to remain young. I feel this need in order to be competitive, to be marketable in the performing world, but I also want to look attractive to my husband and shoot, me!

What a racket this whole fountain of youth is. Yesterday, I found out how much it costs to have a laser peel done on your face. Apparently, one does this to get rid of wrinkles, scarring, etc. To get the desired results, you have to look like a burn victim for few days, it hurts, and you pay an arm and a leg for it! Wow. My brother was a big fan of botox and from what he said, that also hurts AND is expensive. Frightening to think I may fall into the female-in-search-of-youth consumerism some day. Wait, I already have. I'm 31 and already going through...a change. I can't imagine being 51 and going through...the change. I'm gonna be a mess!

I've got a secret...

What was I taught?...Enter the scene with a secret. It makes you an interesting character.

How fun is to play I know something you don't know every single waking moment? I think this is definitely part of my existence. I love wearing that mask. So many people have no idea what lays inside me. They see a very organized, hard working, friendly individual, but...there's more. So much more. Many people in my wife/mom life have no idea I am a talented performer. Many people from my performing days have no idea I am fantastic wife and mother. I guess there is also secrecy with my depression, but is that really secret? Perhaps the depth to which it travels, but that's a boring secret. I digress...

I think it all comes with knowing my worth and therein lies the secret. There are so many fun things for me to know and others to MAYBE find out...someday. And, what's really fun is not being afraid to reveal. It is truly enjoyable to be able to control something. Yes, we control much of our lives, but secrecy is something I can really color with.